Saturday, May 9, 2009

The Secret Ingrediant In a Dentifrice

There is a method to mystery, and a road map to fascination. Both can be discussed in terms of ingredients. The harder it is to scare up all the spices, the more people prick up their ears when you describe the soup. People open their wallets without resistence when they are trying to obtain some intangible thing that important people have. Mystery is as much in the description of objects associated with power as it is in assembling the graven images that look like the supernatural.

The property of being clandestined figures neatly into the occult. The secret ingredient in Crest. Here, one of my favorite limericks from a National Lampoon bought in the 1970s:

A hygienic young woman out west
asked the cowboy who sat on her chest
will this cause tooth decay
why no mam I've heard say
it's the secret ingredient in Crest

For mystical reasons, this dumb limerick still makes me laugh.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Pig Trouble

Pigs. First it was trichynosis, and now it's swine flu. That's a lot of guilt for the farm animals to have to carry around. You have to remember that they didn't mean to contract a disease and spread it to people. Yet they have to carry the social stigma, as if they were all one collective Typhoid Mary who should have had the decency to wash her hands more often.

But to get down to the cases of how bad life is, my new dilema is that Jews asperse the character of pigs and won't eat them, and Christians eat all the ham they can choke down, so love it or hate it the pigs get either eaten or looked down upon. Or blamed for the latest bio-engineered virus.

So like people, chipped or sliced.