Seven Piss Tests

 

My brood sack is fully extended with the wiggling offspring of joy. And not for nothing. My most favorite dollar store is rocketing into medical curative science. The magic number alone drowns all lassitude, while breathing life into a paper bag of exuberance. Seven. Seven things you can find out about yourself by peeing in a cup and dunking, like a doughnut, a paper strip. For one dollar a whiz, you can test your water for drugs, alcohol, pregnancy, menopause, ovulation, glucose, and urinary tract infection. These are the seven dwarfs of need-to-know. Should you test positive for something you wish not to be, you can always ask the clerk at the checkout counter for a second opinion.