Sunday, December 15, 2013

Next Dippy Sermon at the Store Front Ministry

There's a book of Hebrew mysticism called the Zohar, and I thumbed through it like a fry cook waiting for his haircut at the barber's, but even jerks can make a decent point from time to time.  There was a passage on the subject of marriage, in which it said, give or take a point, that when a man is unmarried, the Earth and sky is misaligned, and that when said same fellow ties the knot, Earth and sky move parallel to each other, like a factory preset position.  Only when married is a person deserving of a static free sunset.

Being a life long a bachelor, you are encouraged to ask, "Why do you care, Pussy Cat?"

It is because a good metaphor makes me wiggle with glee.  For my statistician friends, married men are less likely than single dudes to be  shivved, shanked, shot, beaten, jailed,  pink-slipped, demoted, slandered  or cornholed to death by roving zombies.  They tend to have more stable careers and social lives, give or take a point for  ugly, pimply variables, and some dumb geezers are still claiming that family life is beneficial.

Next on the conveyor belt is that gender roles have been changing.  Did I say I begrudge that?  I didn't.  There isn't a politically incorrect corpuscle clogging veins in this old seed sack.  For the super-logical among us all, the same principle of completeness and harmony can be extended.  Why do mystical precepts have to be good for the goose and not the gander?   And why do I use shitty cliches? I have a diploma from someplace or other.

Well, with loose ends waving at me like a mighty fertile hydra, this rant about applied metaphor is wearing out it's welcome on this page.   Thanks for reading.

No comments: