Last month I invented a new fashion item, the raccoon tail beret. The hat is military surplus, and the tail, hand stitched into it, is genuine, bought off ebay, my El Dorado. The city of gold, and not a sleazy, gas guzzling pimp car.
The new item raises a conflict of semantics: Is it acceptable, or is it offensive, to use the phrase 'coon-ass?' It works perfect for my raccoon tail beret, and I was thinking of doing a sales campaign called, "Coon-ass." Like, "I'm wearing the coon-ass look." And it is in no way bigoted. Here, and in all cases, 'coon-ass' refers to the type of hat Davy Crocket or Daniel Boon wore, to great effect, both for real and on television. 'Coon' is short for 'raccoon,' and has diddly squat to do with any person's appearance or social status. Anyone at all should enjoy wearing one of my raccoon tail berets, and no one should shy from saying 'coon-ass.' I'm coon-ass, and I look sharp.