Desperate Fashion Fiction

The Tie of Yugraz

Dears, ..........there are choices in neckware that reveal human weakness, vulnerability, concupiscense, and future unattractive outfits. Unless the neck tie is pulled from the closet. As has a terribly bright orange print tie. It was from a Goodwill store, for the two dollars that makes it seem worth taking a fashion risk. The Tie of Yugraz was recently pulled. Before I realized, too late, that it is ugly. Please believe I am more judicious and humane than a Turkish jail guard. I am always generous with lube. The tie is allowed to live, but will be hanging on the livingroom wall, like a wall hanging. Because I'm creative.

I must describe the Tie of Yugraz! It knots in a noncoventional way. I tested it. Several times. Like judge and jury. I happened to notice that with the oscillating fan blowing on the tie, in turn, it undulates in the breeze with less dance than the silk ties I prefer to wear. I think solid color silk ties are unimpeachable, no matter where they are made, and who thinks their clothes are better. For the most part, my accessories are well mated. Not so the Tie of Yugraz, I am forced to admit.

It makes me envision a very large old man in a fez, and I simply didn't see that when it caught my eye at the Goodwill store. There's a daring Naples yellow pattern on the orange raw silk, with deliberate thready warp, on the bias, like Jungle Larry in Detroit. But with bald natives brandishing spears. Orderly, but, probably kettle drums, just use some old Slingerland. The pattern itself is just wavy squares with reddish points inside. I'm attracted to pointy looking things. It's a crappy awareness.

I guess that's part of Freudian free association that people used to play fetch with,like dog and owner. There had to be an archetype of the man who wears that sort of neck tie, or I wouldn't have plunked the two bucks for it. There had to be some form of internalized theater, in which garish people do obnoxious things to one another, for lack of skill in collectivizing. It's been a pink country for a long time now, and if the fat cats of yore had been prescient, people would be getting smarter instead of the opposite. I find it best to make a personal psychodrama from the glare. That's right, the glare from the garish color.

As said, the evil Tie of Yugraz is banished from the wardrobe, and is put to work was wall art. I'm so clever.