What do Karl Marx, the Unibomber, and Valerie Solanas all have in common? While you mull the question, I will lean back in my chair and blow smoke rings off a big apple pipe, like real men in blue suits smoked back in the old days. Don’t know? They all wrote a rip-snorting special manifesto.
Of the three, only Karl’s is still getting studied, pawed, drooled on and in other ways soiled at the public library. Ted Kozinsky hasn’t been heard from since his incarceration, and Valerie, Valerie passed away for the most part forgotten. And why do I care? Because, as everyone in the ‘Burgh either knows or should know, she shot Andy Warhol in the brisket. Valerie hated men.
Her manifesto, titled SCUM, was all about how women should take over the government, eliminate money, and, more urgently, men. She truly hated guy’s guts. I checked Wikipedia, and it doesn’t say how she proposed people reproduce, post apocalypse, but that aside, I think her work was very nicely thought out. But she perforated Andy Warhol’s gizzard, and she meant to kill the man. Which is why I’m proposing a new ritual.
Soon as weather permits, a cheap ass dollar store doll, looks just like Barbie, will be nailed to the dead oak tree behind my house, and I’m going to throw hatchets at it. That’s the whole thing, unless I decide to ad lib some bullshit, maybe for fun. The doll will represent Val, and the stunt will symbolize my need to avenge the meanness of it all. The violence. The rabid, hostile, discriminatory man-hating that shortened poor Andy’s stint. I’m not all that pissed at Valerie. She’s gone. No hard feelings. But it’s getting around time for a new pagan ritual, so Valerie’s next. Will record it on video, and post it on youtube, like I always do, when originating a ritual.
No comments:
Post a Comment