One Month of Writing On The Craigslist Literary and Writing Forum

 

 

Help, help.  It's as if all humankind is pregnant, having contractions a quarter second apart, it's hurting like hell, and no one wants to call the OB and get help.  We are, all of us, resisting the birth of what comes next in human misery.   Collectively, we are all pregnant with the next anti-christ, and it could be as basic as rolling black outs.   Maybe the demand for bottled electricity, electric cars and trucks,  the limitless supply of batteries, will strike us all dead by fabricated capitalist lightning.   After long periods of hardship and willful cruelty.   Like at a state college. 

Too many people go to college.    College educated people are unable to manage public education at district level.   Directly or indirectly, it's either incompetence with sheep skin, or at best a brain drain in which the best people work outside of public education,  resulting in poor literacy for people not yet entering college.  

People fail to realize that some areas of everything  is  elitist by nature, and by origin.  This will explain, in part, why progress sucks.   Secondary education originated among a very high achieving aristocracy, developed so to include a well socialized upper middle class, and as education became available, even mandatory to the working classes, education was dragged to trog level to meet the needs of  hoi polloi.  People turn out homogenously dim,  dependent upon drugs and external support.  While instilled with a sense of autonomy and entitlement.   We are people getting high on Constitutional Holy Smoke.  Also, we are drunk.  

Thanks for reading.

 

Wooly Bully, dear friends.   I derived some years back a spiritual way. Though origins trend spacey in nether worlds, it was Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs that opened a gaggle of third eyes.

Mine opens each time I watch the video on youtube, the novelty band performing their song Wooly Bully.   In the manner Hattie told Mattie about a thing she saw,  the element of being witness shines forward.   Spiritual paths require navigation, North Star substitutes, digital cuing and prompting.  What makes one divine celebrity's observations more profound than those of people in the peanut gallery? I shall reveal, post haste, it's the beat. Few create it, everyone needs it, thus a force of fate. Are we jack-offs?

These days, common mortals buy a GPS device and stick on God’s own Cadillac rocker panel.  It’s so rough out there, people have reached the ability to weasel God.   And there I go again, digressing.  This can really limit an individuals growth.   

Once people reach the apex of supernatural comprehension, they tend to slack off.   This can be observed in colleges and churches and don’t get me started on covens.  Many are thriving in small numbers, and I’d rather not piss them off.   Witchcraft is an institutional behavior, though. Same as math. No one crunches numbers without first getting a stream of them up the butt, in a math class.

   One can’t be a wizard without a community of poor suckers who believe shit.  Any shit.  A wizard’s importance to a community is relative to the need for the hash the wizard is slinging.  This is the true path to shit.   One  eats hash.  One shits in the morning.   No finer indication of wizardry is called for.  For stronger understanding, one is hungry, wants hash, a wizard is selling it, logically, one buys it and woofs it down.   I wish this was easier.   

Metaphorically, God slings hash.   On the morning menu, He/She/Whomever whacked out Heaven and Earth.  This is practically nonfiction.   Next, using a long stainless steel spatula, such as is used in commercial kitchens everywhere, such as on a common gas grill, the Lord slung off the animal kingdom, tossed it on a plate, and yelled through a narrow slot in the kitchen wall, “Order out, Mable.”

Years later the group, Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs assembled, like matter converging, there is a rumbling vortex, and a new star is born.  Their hit song Wooly Bully reached all my chakras.  It is why, and I feel compelled to explain, Religious Faith Pop.   Hence the name Iggy Pop.   We’ll have to repent to Iggy soon enough, but right now Sam the Sham is singular hope for redemption. Wooly Bully is The WORD.    Thanks for reading.

 

Never...ne-eh-eh-eh-eh-ver...NEV-AAAAAHHHH!...has there been greater need to mime the late, pompous Winston Churchill while discussing a tiny fragment of American mass culture, one made relevant on shitty college campuses everywhere right now.   Our great cigar smoking, brandy swilling collective society, the portly hypertensive  USA,  has never had greater need for its schlamaazels!

For local yokels in the US:  It is we small victims of common misfortune who are most threatened by violent protest against one or both of two warring factions.   One can be maimed, equally, by Israeli or Palestinian combatants here and abroad, unilaterally.  A schmutzig dilemma.   We are all instantly reminded of the Jewish Dilemma:  free ham.

I'm concerned about poor schmageggies here, who might be inconvenienced, harmed, dare I mention wrongfully Xed, merely from traipsing our villages, our loin cloths and muslin body wrappings held in place with floral bungee cords they sell at Dollar Tree in Westview,  our sandals of molded plastic from Five Below off Smithfield Street.  There's more suds in the beer glass.

Do people really have the right to free speech and free expression on college campuses?  Or, is this a collective figment of our jurisprudential imaginations?   If one is studying math at school, and intends to apply  expertise in a career going forward from schooling and ultimately certification, e.g. a diploma, one might say the poor schmuck is entitled to study math in peace.  He/she is not obliged to hold opinions for or against Hamas or Israel.  One plus one equals two in both camps.   There in no such thing as the right to disrupt business or to engage in any form of harassment against anyone.  The right to occupy space anywhere in public is a questionable thing.   Don't people need a permit from the city to conduct a protest downtown?  Why would the game be different on a campus?  Suppose the fact that students and faculty have everything of theirs invested in what they are doing, money, time and work.   This could negate the rights of others to interfere.  And protest activity is tertiary to day to day business at school.  Oy gevalt.  people are meshugana.

Rant: Politics...

 

We Don’t Need Trump To Make Friends With North Korea

Our presidential election is breezing up to the batter’s mound, no, make that the pitcher's mound, there ain't no batters mound, and no one has to be reminded we all need to keep Donald Trump out of public  office.  That’s understood.  I’m seeing, though, a loose thread.

We need Kim Jong Un, now.  Please don’t think for one lousy second I’m saying ‘vote for Trump.’  Don’t make me gag.   I’m sick at the thought of that person.  I hope Stormy Daniels rips his tiny aspirations off.  But we need Kim Jong Un, that adorable, iconically handsome and well groomed fascist in North Korea, to come on down and visit us.  The price is right!  

Soon-to-be-jailed ex-president Trump tried to open working relations with Kim.  He even spirited one of Kim Jong Un’s favorite capitalist pro-athlete play pals, basketball legend Dennis Rodman.   Naturally, the initiative resulted in nothing special.  Look who was president at the time.  But it would still be a good idea for Democrats, all of them/us/whomever, to support positive, open relations, anywhere at all, North Korea especially.  

Once Kim Jong Un feels comfortable here, I know he’ll become a spokesman for American corporations, galore, because it will be so fun and lucrative for him and his dearest colleagues. He’d be a riot on SNL.     The man even looks funny! He could do this routine where he sells his enemy's kidneys online  for $19.95.   If all goes well, we can all trade in nuclear weapons.    I know there’s a market over there for our pharmaceuticals.  Even the dourest oppressors can be fun when you get a few Zolofts in them.

I’d like to see Kim open a chain of restaurants.   One atrocity from column A, two from column B.   No homicides!  They only take out food.   I know everyone is gonna’ love Kim Jong Un,  the Democrats just have to get him to come out of his shell.  Thanks for reading.

Haiku series

 

Wind a bobbin right

Your widget might work lovely

How shit looks depends

People are clumsy

Get dandruff in the test tube

Offspring repulsive

Vindictive lobster

Out of season at Stork Club

Tortures portly chef

 Everyone has baggage and quotes.    For the latter:  How terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the wise. 

It's a way of saying, "I hate having to watch incompetent, desperate people fuck things up."  The Seven Deadly Sins are no bullshit.  People do them, with shitty outcomes to show for sin.   Secular sin.  Poor ethics.   Short sightedness, to the point of endangering humankind.  I don't name names of shit eating mortals.  The loss of debate on ethics, a result of singular pervasive insecurity, insures that no one benefits from anything for very long.    People act independent of logic and of any historic basis for action in the present.  

Short term economics is a recession waiting to be announced.   Then the Federal Reserve raises interest rates, to reverse inflation.  This makes it more profitable, per dollar thrown, for banks to lend scarce, scared money.  While placing the burden of reversing inflation on defenseless, pea brained, over-spending greedy consumers, who can't use very good judgment, if they wanted to, because they have to borrow money to keep living above their means.  That's why everyone is killing their spouse for insurance.  Thanks for reading.

Spoken word flash fiction 5 6 2024

 This is not about cults.   No one has come up with a decent new religion in ages.    I'm working on this spiritual lassitude problem.   I invented a religion based on the premise that people are to suck the spirit out of secular, ordinary, material BS.  I practice the Electrolux religion.    Comes with attachments.  A motorized vibrator.   Flexible shaft tool.    Praises.

 I have a new alter-ego.  It is non-gender bending, and is not a new drag queen name.  Mr. Reisner is a common heterosexual with a flair for style.   Straight men care about interior design.  Nice fabrics.  I comment on women's haute couture, when it is in any way helpful, complimentary.

My new name is Cardinal Bitchaloo.    Heterosexual bitch.   I'm a well adjusted, sentient, one.  I'm a mindful masculine bitch.   This is where it can be necessary to get on the that elastic sense of reality.  You have it, Sugar.   Cardinal Bitchaloo, over and out.

 

It is with a sad woolly bully that I remorse stupidity past.   The words 'woolly bully' are an affirmation.  It's is borrowed from one of my favorite novelty songs by a favorite novelty act, Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs.   Who is anyone to put a price tag on people?  Or to place anyone in greater esteem than others, for jeez why ever.  And one may be ambivalent about equality.  Who wants to be no better than a total useless, lying sack of shit?

The fine arts are elitist by nature, from the origin.   As soon as people had reason and technology to differentiate shit from begonias, they undertook eugenics in their own free and easy way.  Killing defective infants was no problemo in ancient Greece, where virile gladiators were slow to accept modern social services.    Only aristocrats served as senators.  Or as much of anything better than slave or grunt laborer.   Not that there weren't soft, fairly secure bureaucrats back then, back there, when toga's, both gender, were lewd.  People are still hating one another, these days over differing opinions on things they have no power over.  Opinions are provided for all sides of hostilities, by mainstream media, like a kindergarten teacher suggesting things bored, dim witted children can do so not to make their time on Earth a total waste.

Kindness is self-mitigating.  More so than jack shit else.  Thanks for reading.

 

 Hot shit, that book The Odyssey.    Hero hops home from the Trojan War, going forward like the rest of us, after a major life disruption.   I was in a hassle last week.  No book deal, yet.   Relevant now?  Sure.   I'll play sexless mythology teacher.  The Odyssey is  more important than The Tree Stooges.   It's a more important art object, the book, translated to English, for us, Americans, than the works of Iggy Pop.  A modern American.  

Something momentous has taken places in the humanities.  Dylan got the Prize for literature.  Martin Scorsese's film Taxi Driver, in which Travis Bickel returns from the Vietnam war, and goes forward with his happy, horrid canards, is as much a story as The Odyssey.    Maybe more.   Everything.   Trojan horse?  The horse our hero rode in on?   Or rode inside of, waiting for an enemy to be deceived and abused all to fuck.  It's like buying a high end smartphone, and it has malware.  It fucks you six ways till Sunday.  Then you hurl your shitty, expensive phone in an enchanted pond, a water goddess appears, and says, "Quit polluting my apartment with your misguided acquisitions."

The finest of people can be a twat when miffed, vexed, whatever.  Forgive people for being ass-wipes.  Secular equivalencies.  Moral elasticity.  Two things that keep the peace, with flair ups.   Thanks for reading.

 

 Hello, I'm a prick about protesting on college campuses.  Why don't the same people doing the Monster Mash everywhere at expensive schools do the Mash in the downtown business district,   where they similarly well be forcibly dispersed, and disliked? Assholes are doing it on campus under the false belief they have a right to express themselves there, more so than elsewhere.  Why?  Schools conduct school biz.  Biz districts conduct retail/corporate biz.  The protesters themselves wouldn't want people coming between them and their next bowl of humus.   Their woke-chow dates and figs could get squished in the riots that happen sooner or later.  People going to school for cake decorating should not be forced to use progressive-only frosting.    Nor should they face cake violations on their persons or confections.   People are rude, deluded pieces of shit.