New Feature: Fucking Sick Fairy Tales

 

Once  upon a time there was a heavy mauve dwarf.  It was a sub-human asshole, in the sense of having a really awful disposition, and it would always show up wherever nice people meet.   

Back then, in truncated nebulous timelines, there used to be a Unitarian Universalist Church right near here, in the Guano Forest, where all sorts of diverse and wonderful people met.  The Heavy Mauve Dwarf  began frequenting those lively, therapeutic church services.   

The dwarf was so ugly all the cosmetic surgery in the world couldn’t make it nearly as gorgeous as the late Michael Jackson or the currently authoritative 

Pam Bondi.   It’s appearance could be helped slightly if it invested in a wardrobe, but it wore ugly worn-out jeans and a tee shirt from some asshole bar in a state, out west, no one here gives a shit about.  No one in Pittsburgh gives a flying fuck about people in other locations.  But it has become a local tradition to pretend to, and to make fabulous shows of concern for victims of anything awful.  Leave it to assholes like the Dwarf to show up, and make everyone feel oogie. 

The Dwarf aside, church members ranged from mediocre to fabulous in beauty.   Some of the kind, generous free thinking Unitarian Universalists were physically and, dare it be noted here, sexually attractive.    

Men would congregate near the most attractive women, hoping to land some pussy.  But the Ugly Dwarf would walk up, and put the ladies off.    None of the women could get horny for a normal heterosexual man, because they were grossed out by the Ugly Dwarf.    No one got pussy.   And the men and women, alike, object to the use of violence.  No matter how bad the Ugly Dwarf needed it. 

Meetings at that formerly wonderful Unitarian Universalist Church sucked something awful after that.   Soon, no one cool came to church anymore.  Only the few sad assholes willing to hang out with the Ugly Mauve Dwarf.  No one worth pissing on knows what happened after that.  The whole point of Unitarian Universalism was pissed away, down the shit pipes of oblivion.  The end.