Slobbo the Kodiak Bear was a lousy animal to mobilize with. I've worked with people who could have better been kept on thorazine, back when people still had pretense to being egalitarian. So stupid. People who dislike what is happening may decide to take it out on you. And you were being a peach. We, Mr. Bizdick, Yodels the Anorexic Rhinosaurus, Slobbo and myself were speeding down Route 279, and we were all on the same mission, so no one was going to challenge Slobbo.
Maybe it's different taking flack off of talking animals who feel they needn't spare anyone's feelings. Slobbo subscribes to the notion that people are responsible for their own sense of well being. I don't think like that. Slobbo had been bitching all the way about this goddam grizzly bear. The beast won an honorary degree from Johns Hopkins, and Slobbo had hated that grizzly on general principle, since it first began riding a unicycle. Riding a unicycle doesn't put food in Kodiak bear feeding bowls. It's completely irrational, certainly hostile. But Slobbo is a dogged worker for any cause on the Kodiak Bitch Register, and the National Anti-Ferret-Felching Foundation is on it's A-list.
Some background...I've become enamored to a ferret, and he has taken over my life. Normally I'm taciturn about world affairs. Really, I'd rather dance. I'd rather snuggle up with Mr. Bizdick on the couch and watch movies. But Mr. Bizdick decided to mobilize, and I have to come along. So we are barreling down the highway to protest perverts who like to shove ferrets up their ass, for sexual pleasure. Sick bastards. I hate them. But Mr. Bizdick is truly a reactionary. Slobbo the Kodiak Bear feels he has to serve the cause, and so far, we all felt obliged to tolerate his rudeness. It got like this a lot back in the Red Army Days. Che Guavera could be a real prick, on a bad day, too. You wouldn't scotch a guy's Cuban beach invasion just because your fearless leader got snotty. Mr. Bizdick was driving, and I was in the passenger seat, looking like a normal type of person. That's why I was there. To make it seem normal. And Slobbo and Yodels. They were nearly the same size, but Yodels is sickly. A gaunt rhinosaurus. A weakling. Though also committed to the cause. No more ferret felching.
The weak. The meek. Slobbo was angry with a grizzly bear. The grizzly wasn't even there, in the back of the van. It was a stellar May first. And it was May Day. May Day. May Day. We knew Slobbo had a history of acting out. But pelting weak, sickly Yodels, again and again, in furious windmill fashion was completely wrong. We had to park the van and have a talk. We decided we would all blame ferret felchers for what happened to Yodels the Anorexic Rhinosaurus. It's a good outcome. It's a chance for us to use one of the false flag tactics in our handbook. Nothing happened inside that van. It happened outside that safe house for ferret felchers.
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